Speaking With Women for Social and Friendship Purposes
Question
Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum. I have tried to convince my husband that it is haram to speak with the other women for social and friendship purposes, although they are university colleagues. However, he doesn't seem to realize the importance of this issue and the problems it causes between us. I trust that there is no bad intention in his mind, but it still bothers me. What can I do to help him and myself ? Jazakum Allahu khayran. ( Question By : Shaima )
Question
Respected scholars, as-salamu `alaykum. I have tried to convince my husband that it is haram to speak with the other women for social and friendship purposes, although they are university colleagues. However, he doesn't seem to realize the importance of this issue and the problems it causes between us. I trust that there is no bad intention in his mind, but it still bothers me. What can I do to help him and myself ? Jazakum Allahu khayran. ( Question By : Shaima )
Answer
Wa`alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.
In principle, contacts between men and women are not totally rejected; rather, they are recommended as long as the intentions are pure and the subject of conversation is lawful and involves either beneficial knowledge, good work, charitable project, jihad, or many other deeds that require efforts and cooperation from both sexes.However, this by no means calls for the transgression of limits or forgetting about the nature of both sexes. In all their dealings, both men and women should abide by the teachings of Islam that call for cooperation on the basis of goodness and piety, while at the same time, they should observe the rules of morality and politeness.
In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states the following:
There is no harm if your husband is establishing business-like contacts with his colleagues at work or university, strictly for professional reasons, provided that he keeps his interaction with members of the opposite sex within the bounds of Islamic ethics. Islam teaches that it is never allowed for a male and a female to be isolated in a private location; this forbidden isolation also includes phone and Internet conversations.
Therefore, if your husband's relations with members of the opposite sex go beyond the acceptable limits, then of course your concerns are perfectly valid. He is certainly violating the laws of Allah if he pursues carefree, social relations with members of the opposite sex. Such unrestrained contacts fall under the category of the forbidden khalwah (isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex). The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "No man shall be isolated with a woman (with whom he is not related in blood or marriage)" (Al-Bukhari, Muslim, and At-Tirmidhi). He also told us that Satan runs through the veins of the sons of Adam. In other words, such practices may inadvertently lead to temptations.
Thus, those who break the laws of Allah will eventually hurt themselves. It is therefore your responsibility as a caring wife to advise your husband to put an end to this practice immediately. Ask him if he would be comfortable if you were to establish contacts of a similar nature with other men?
You may advise him to ponder the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), "Wise people are those who subdue their carnal soul (by obeying Allah's laws) and work for life after death, whereas foolish people are those who do what their carnal soul dictates, and yet vainly hopes for the mercy of Allah" (At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, and others).
The laws of Allah are intended to protect us from our own carnal souls, which may lead us into sins. So you have every right to be concerned about your husband's behavior. May Allah help us guard against the evil inclinations inherent in our souls. Ameen.
Wa`alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Dear questioner, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.
In principle, contacts between men and women are not totally rejected; rather, they are recommended as long as the intentions are pure and the subject of conversation is lawful and involves either beneficial knowledge, good work, charitable project, jihad, or many other deeds that require efforts and cooperation from both sexes.However, this by no means calls for the transgression of limits or forgetting about the nature of both sexes. In all their dealings, both men and women should abide by the teachings of Islam that call for cooperation on the basis of goodness and piety, while at the same time, they should observe the rules of morality and politeness.
In his response to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada, states the following:
There is no harm if your husband is establishing business-like contacts with his colleagues at work or university, strictly for professional reasons, provided that he keeps his interaction with members of the opposite sex within the bounds of Islamic ethics. Islam teaches that it is never allowed for a male and a female to be isolated in a private location; this forbidden isolation also includes phone and Internet conversations.
Therefore, if your husband's relations with members of the opposite sex go beyond the acceptable limits, then of course your concerns are perfectly valid. He is certainly violating the laws of Allah if he pursues carefree, social relations with members of the opposite sex. Such unrestrained contacts fall under the category of the forbidden khalwah (isolating oneself with a member of the opposite sex). The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, "No man shall be isolated with a woman (with whom he is not related in blood or marriage)" (Al-Bukhari, Muslim, and At-Tirmidhi). He also told us that Satan runs through the veins of the sons of Adam. In other words, such practices may inadvertently lead to temptations.
Thus, those who break the laws of Allah will eventually hurt themselves. It is therefore your responsibility as a caring wife to advise your husband to put an end to this practice immediately. Ask him if he would be comfortable if you were to establish contacts of a similar nature with other men?
You may advise him to ponder the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), "Wise people are those who subdue their carnal soul (by obeying Allah's laws) and work for life after death, whereas foolish people are those who do what their carnal soul dictates, and yet vainly hopes for the mercy of Allah" (At-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, Ahmad, and others).
The laws of Allah are intended to protect us from our own carnal souls, which may lead us into sins. So you have every right to be concerned about your husband's behavior. May Allah help us guard against the evil inclinations inherent in our souls. Ameen.
