Treating Girls Differently

Treating Girls Differently

Question
I am female and my parents treat me different from my brothers. I think they are too strict, but they tell me that they just love me. Is this fair ? ( Question By : Sufia - United Kingdom )

Answer
In The Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear sister in Islam, thank you very much for having confidence in us, and we hope our efforts, which are purely for Allah’s Sake, meet your expectations.

As far as Islam is concerned, parents are required to treat their children equally. Parents might seem extra cautious as to the well being and religious upbringing of their children, especially girls. But girls should never think ill of their parents and they should keep in mind that their parents truly care for them and in no way will true Muslim parents treat daughters unfairly. Parents, on the other hand, ought to be thoughtful of their children’s feelings and try their best to treat them justly and fairly. With this, the root of the problem will be removed and the whole atmosphere of love, compassion, tranquility and serenity will replace ill feelings.

In his response to the question, Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi, former president of the Islamic Society of North America, states the following:

Boys and girls both should be treated fairly by their parents and other elders. The rules of halal and haram are the same for boys and girls. It is not Shari`ah, but our cultural mentality that makes some of us think that a loose boy is O.K., but a loose girl is not because she brings shame to the entire family. The un-Islamic behavior brings shame, whether it is of boys or girls. All of us should understand that.

Moreover, parents should be equally concerned with the behavior of their boys and girls. This is the general principle, but girls also have a special need. They need more protection, because very often it is girls who become the victims of assaults, rape and other indignities. In most cases boys can defend themselves, but girls need help.

In America, we see warnings and reminders to girls and women at schools, colleges and universities and everywhere, that they should be extra careful and cautious. They should not go alone in unpopulated areas, especially at night. They are told to be careful when dealing with males, even those whom they know. All these warnings are given for only one reason and the reason is that females need more protection. Thus, it is necessary for girls to receive extra care and attention from their parents as well as their older brothers and other relatives.

Based on this, your parents are true when they say that they love you. It is because of their love for you they want to protect you, but they should not have a double standard of halal and haram. They should not make one standard for boys and another for girls. That is un-Islamic.